So much has happened (part 3)

The story continues:
Part 1
Part 2

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I have decided to continue the story. This is just a summary of it all. Maybe one day I will go into the detail of how I felt and coped with all the things that happened in and around me.

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I said the only thing that I could think of in that situation and that was: “Rugby Man… stay away from the light. We cannot lose you, not like this.”

The first week was a hectic week. It was the same time that the magazine I work for had to go to print, luckily the printers and all my colleagues were understanding and helped me out tremendously. Rugby Man was on the ventilator and was in an induced coma and on hectic pain meds. I am sure he was flying. He had very serious injuries and well, the Doctors could only move him on the public holiday, 24 September to do a MRI. The idea was 20 minutes to do the body and then if he was stable enough another 20 minutes for the head.

That Friday, 25 September, we were called in and the prognosis was not good. Rugby Man had a terrible spinal cord injury and according to the Neurologist, he had severe brain damage. The Neurologist explained it as follows: Rugby Man was like a baby who drowned. If you do not get enough oxygen to the brain, then the brain starts shutting down to keep the other parts going. That could of happened when they were moving him from hospital to hospital. However, we would never know the extent of the injury till he woke up. The doctor said that it would take time. Recovery could take anything from six months to five years. However, patience is what we needed. His left side was paralysed, however, the good news was that Rugby Man was moving his right arm and hand which meant that with time, the body could heal itself.

By the end of week two, they started feeding him through a tube to see if his body would accept the “food” and they stared “waking him up”, but the only problem was that he was not reacting. He was still on the ventilator but also in his own comatose state. By week three they started taking him off the meds. However, Rugby Man was not showing any signs of waking up or any sign of pain. The trauma nurses were awesome with him though and were awesome with us too.

The routine of our lives changed from day one and every visiting time over the weekend and every night we were there. My Mom also made me drop her off at the hospital, while I went to work, so that she could see him. Our life became all about Rugby Man. The boys who are 25 and 23 handed everything over to my Mom. My Mom allowed me to take charge because I knew in this time I had to be there for her. A parent should not go through the fear of losing her child, because it was her Son laying there. A man borne out of her, who God entrusted to her.  She did not need to go through additional stress.

Well, I tried to curb the additional stress, but the current gf was not helping. Remember I said it was the woman who he met last year and then they broke up and she took to Facebook to tell everyone why they broke up. They recently got back together and well, I am not her biggest fan? Anyways, she decided that she would tell the nurses she was his FIANCE so that she could see him, because they were only allowing the closest family members in. She would go see him during the day and then share confidential medical information on Whatsapp and Facebook. Obviously an attention whore. She did things without us knowing, like stop his bank cards. She was marching to her own drum and to make a long story short, I put a stop to it. I wrote a letter to the hospital, which they gave to everyone working with my brother, that NO MEDICAL INFORMATION was to be given to ANYONE except the following people: My Mom, Biker Man, Me and my two nephews (Rugby Man’s sons). Also that no medical procedure could be done without the authorisation of My Mom or Biker Man.

The next day, after I handed the letter in, my Mom was at the hospital with my brother’s ex-wife, when the gf rocked up. She walked into the ICU and slammed the ICU door in my Mom’s face. Another gentleman that was behind my Mom asked what was up and my Mom said she did not know. She pressed the buzzer for the nurses to let her in. Now, every time we visited, the family would send my Mom in first. When she got to my brother, the gf was leaning over him (something the nurses asked us not to do, because it is TRAUMA ICU) and when my Mom asked her to give her a few minutes she started shouting at my Mom next to my brother’s bed. She stormed out. Then in the waiting room she told my brother’s ex-wife that my Mom was a bitch. After that day, she never returned to the hospital. She goes around telling everyone we banned her from the hospital, but truth be told, I think she realised that she would never be able to cope with a vegetable and was looking for someone to blame so that she didn’t look like the bad person.

With all that happening, the grief process continued. Any grief/trauma process consists out of DENILE, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION and ACCEPTANCE. I think my Mom and I were quick to understand it and realise that life had changed and that whatever the outcome, we were there for Rugby Man. However, some people do not do well when it comes to tragedy, and Biker Man is one of them. He moved to Johannesburg earlier this year and was not nearby when it had happened. He and Rugby Man are close, VERY close, but he was in denile all the time. He did not accept what my Mom was saying about Rugby Man’s condition and because of that, he started lashing out at My Mom and I. At one stage he kicked me out of his family and told me that when my Mom dies, I will be all alone.

16 October came and Ruby Man turned 48 years old. We celebrated with him in Hospital with blue balloons and messages from Facebook, Whatsapp, SMSes, etc. So many people wished him well. A week or two after he was moved to high care, because they couldn’t keep him in Trauma ICU forever and we needed to find a place for him so that he could start with rehabilitation, even if he was just laying there. It was terrible to see, because he was always the active one. Playing rugby at the age of 48. Going to gym twice a day. Running the pub and working. He could never sit still. A few places came to evaluate him, but they said that they would not be able to work with him, because he was showing no signs of reaction. He was not responding to the easiest of commands, like open your eye or stick out your tongue. That was difficult for us. That is when they decided to move him to the rehab in 1 Military Hospital, however, he ended up in the surgical ward, because they had to do all their tests on him as well. That happened in the first week of November.

Then on Thursday, 12 November we were called to the hospital. It was not going well with Rugby Man. As Murphy’s law would have it, my car gave trouble the Wednesday and I took it in the Thursday when I got the phone call. By then I was the liaison between the hospital and the family. I called everyone and told them to go up immediately. I arranged for my nephew to pick up my Mom, while I had to wait for the car. I got there at 14:00, after receiving the call at about 11:45. The Doctor was amazing and explained to the family what was happening.

When I got there she called me aside and said that Rugby Man was spiking a fever and his body was getting enough oxygen. His saturation levels were extremely low (the levels of Oxygen in the blood stream). He had an infection that he was fighting off, but they called us in, because it did not look good. It was a matter of time.  I know this sounds weird, but by that time I knew what they were talking about because my brother’s vitals became a part of my life. His pulse, his temperature, his saturation levels. How much oxygen he was receiving. I even helped and kept new staff up to date with progress etc. My Mom and I stayed by his side… till 21:00 that night. The Doctor came in and asked if she could arrange a bed for us to stay over. By then my Mom was tired and said no, she would go home instead. We said our goodbyes to him and left.

As we walked out, I said to my Mom, that I did not think that we would see him alive again. She agreed and said that if that is what God wanted to do, then it is up to Him. My Mom has and still is strong in her faith. She said from the start that Rugby Man was in God’s hands and whatever God wanted to do, she would accept it. She added that Rugby Man was in his limbo and had been between this world and the next and whatever happened she will accept.

At 07:15 on Friday the 13th of November (yes, I know trust him and his wicked sense of humor to choose Friday the 13th) Rugby Man’s time on earth came to an end. My big brother was no longer with us. He endured for 55 days and even though there were “up” days and there were “down” days and there “happy” days and there were “sad” days, he went to a better place with no more pain and suffering. No words can explain the heartache I feel, or the heartache my Mom feels. But together we mourn for a son, brother, father, friend and all round genuine good guy.

 

Rugby Man

On the 16th day of October 1967 the life story of Timothy started. His emotions of love and hate, sorrow and joy, were written up in his book with God. On the 13th day of November 2015 the last entry was written in his book and God closed it. Through our Heavenly Father’s decision, his soul was claimed back by God, his Maker, and his body given back to the earth, as it should be. He is bereaved by his family and friends.

 

So much has happened (part 2)

So by then details were sketchy… no one knew what was happening and let me tell you the fear of not knowing is what kills you. It makes it difficult to breathe and a lot of emotions come to the fore front.

We were all in the waiting room. My Mom, my nephews (who were both crying), the ex wife, the current gf (It is the one who he met last year and then they broke up and she took to Facebook to tell everyone why they broke up. They recently got back together and well, I am not her biggest fan.) and I. Biker man and his family whereon their way. The nurse came out and said that his injuries were bad. He didn’t have blood pressure and he is very swollen up. They were treating him to keep him alive. She then wanted to know who we were. We told her and she said to my Mom, that she could go in first. Well duh, because she is his mother, but the gf didn’t like that one bit because she is his ‘life partner’. No offence, but you have to be living with a person for at lease six months to be a life partner.

My Mom went in and when she came out, we knew it was bad. After that the Doctor came and spoke to us. Rugby Man had no broken bones in his body, except for a finger and a fracture in his cheek and jaw. However, Rugby Man had a serious brain injury and they were going to drill a hole in his head to relieve the pressure of the brain. Also, he was put in an induced coma and was on a lot of meds due to the fact that he was in a lot of pain.

My brother went in to see him and then when I had to go in, the gf ran in before me. It was almost 11:00 and visiting hours and well, I just thought let her go. I wasn’t going to start an argument. However, when she got out, she made such a scene. She threw herself on the floor and started sobbing. It was then that my Mom (who had not yet shed a tear) went to her and told her to behave. Making a scene was not helping the family and other traumatised families waiting to see their loved ones and it certainly was not helping my brother who was fighting for his life. Well, let’s just say my Mom says it like it is, but the gf stopped crying.

Anyways, so, in the meantime, Biker Man found out where the bike was and kinda how it happened. It seemed like a hit and run…

My first thoughts were, what sick bastard, hits a person and rides/drives away? Seriously?

It was finally my turn to go see Rugby Man. I was only allowed two minutes, but you know what? I took them. When I walked in, he had one of those orange braces around his head like you see on Greys Anatomy. He had on a neck brace. He had drips in everywhere and a heart machine beeping. He was on the ventilator and had pipes coming out of his mouth. His face was swollen to double the size. He didn’t look like my Rugby Man. His head was shaved on the one side and he had a screw coming out of his head. It was really traumatic, not just for me, but everyone around me.

I said the only thing that I could think of in that situation and that was: “Rugby Man… stay away from the light. We cannot lose you, not like this.”

Looking back now, I realise how selfish I was.

So much has happened.

So, yes, it has been a while since I posted. Although all things out of my control and let me just tell you that the 42 days have been the most difficult days that I have experienced in a long time. The last time I felt this was was just before and after my Dad passed away almost nine years ago.

It was on 19 September, Noodles 3rd birthday. We were supposed to go through to Oakdene to go see the girlies for Noodle’s birthday. However, when I woke up at 07:00, I saw I had a number of missed calls on my phone from my nephews. Turns out Rugby Man, was supposed to go to his gf the night and never rocked up. Well, maybe he went home I said. How wrong I was….

I am going to relay the story from when it happened at 12:30 that evening.

Rugby Man was on his way home from the pub. He stayed open for the opening game of the Rugby World Cup. He spoke to the Model at 12:30 and said he was going to his gf. Rugby Man rides with his motorcycle and he has been riding bike since the age of 16, so, he knows what he is doing. However, at 01:00 the ambulance picked him up on the side of the road. He had an accident. The ambulance took him to Steve Biko Hospital (the state hospital), however, when they got there and realised that he had dog tags on and was in the airforce they moved him to 1 military hospital (the famous one, where Nelson Mandela was in). HOWEVER, they don’t have a tram unit, so they moved him to Unitas, a private hospital. He arrived there at 05:00 the morning.

When his gf woke up at 06:00 and realised that he wasn’t there, she decided to phone my nephews. This is what gets me though. How do you know someone is coming to you and you go sleep? Don’t you wait up for that person? Anyways, that’s when my nephews started panicking and decided to phone their Mother (Rugby Man’s ex wife), who was bright enough to phone 1 military hospital. She is still on Rugby Man’s medical aid. Anyways, they (the hospital) had tried to get hold of her the whole night, but she recently changed her number and she hadn’t changed it with the medical aid yet. They told her to go to Unitas because Rugby Man had an accident and was there.

By 07:30 we were at the hospital. The air force chaplain was there (never a good sign) and so was one of Rugby Man’s commanding officers. And then the waiting started…

Day one: Fifteen songs on your playlist

I do apologise dear readers, I wanted to start this challenge a while back, however, life happened. But rather late than never right?

So, here it goes, day one of the 15 days.

Music_Guitar

In no particular order and a totally random list of songs:

  1. Simple Minds – Don’t you forget about me (Breakfast Club Soundtrack)
  2. Rupert Holmes – Escape aka The Piña Colada Song
  3. HIM – Wicked Game
  4. Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars
  5. Taylor Swift – Shake it off
  6. Brandi Carlile – The Story
  7. Rhianna – S&M
  8. Muse – Undisclosed Desires
  9. The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army
  10. Coldplay – Yellow
  11. Imagine Dragons – Radioactive
  12. Bruno Mars – Runaway Baby
  13. Annie Lennox – Love song for a vampire
  14. Gotye – Somebody that I used to know
  15. Roberta Flack – Killing me softly

So, there you have it… my list of 15 songs.

Have a great Monday further.

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Tuesday Tune: The Story

Yes, I have blogged this before, but that was for a challenge .  The challenge was to choose a song that defined you… and well, I felt this one did.

See, everyone has a story… a past, present and a future and sometimes if we are lucky we get to hear their stories. Today’s Tuesday Tune is about that… because we all have a story. Some stories we share willingly and some stories we don’t. We keep them to ourselves. We all have scars and we all have experience life and well, who do you share your stories with?

For the challenge I had to say why I thought the song reflected me, and here is what I said:

  • So many stories of where I’ve been and how I got to where I am – Personally, I feel I’ve been through a lot. Life has thrown me a few curve balls which made me grow up very quickly but that life experience is valuable. And I’m glad it happened that way.
  • But these stories don’t mean anything when you’ve got no one to tell them to – That’s my career right there… However, it’s something I have to get back into.
  • And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed. They don’t know my head is a mess. – Enough said?
  • No, they don’t know who I really am – My friends know things about me, but not everything. Only a select few really know everything.
  • And I was made for you… – I’d like to think that somewhere in the wide world, there is someone who I was made for… and yes, turns out this chick, who doesn’t believe in fairytales, does have a romantic side to her.

Looking back on this now a few years later (I wrote the post in 2011) my views in life are pretty much the same, except on the last point….

I still have no regrets about the curve balls. I still need to get the stories out there, I haven’t sat down and put them to paper… yet.  I am blessed and sometimes I still feel a mess, everyone does I am sure. Only one or two people know who I am really am, because I don’t “share” easily… and well,  I am not so optimistic about that last point, but I am always open to suggestions. LOL!

So there you have it… Have a happy Tuesday and enjoy my Tuesday Tune. 🙂

 

The Story
Brandie Carlile

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true… I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true… I was made for you

Oh yeah, well it’s true… that
I was made for you…

 Marilyn-Monroe-Quote-Nothing-lasts-forever

Taking the challenge…

Ek is…  Ontbloot’s challenge was: As jy ‘n liedjie kon kies wat amper ‘n “definisie” van jou is, wat sou dit wees, en hoekom?

I think the song to most define me would be:

The Story by Brandi Carlile.

The Lyrics:

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
And baby I broke them all for you
Oh because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
Oh but these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you
Oh yeah and its true, that I was made for you

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So why The Story? Here is my explanation:  

  • So many stories of where I’ve been and how I got to where I am – Personally, I feel I’ve been through a lot. Life has thrown me a few curve balls which made me grow up very quickly but that life experience is valuable. And I’m glad it happened that way.
  • But these stories don’t mean anything when you’ve got no one to tell them to – That’s my career right there… However, it’s something I have to get back into.
  • And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed. They don’t know my head is a mess. – Enough said.
  • No, they don’t know who I really am – My friends know things about me, but not everything. Only a select few really know everything.
  • And I was made for you… – I’d like to think that somewhere in the wide world, there is someone who I was made for… and yes, turns out this chick, who doesn’t believe in fairytales, does have a romantic side to her.

So, that’s my story… just thought I’d share.

Have an awesome afternoon.
Scarlet.