Oh dear… I forgot to have children

I was really hurt the other day…

I was chatting to my one co-worker who’s little one was in hospital. I was saying to her the she didn’t need to come in because I would have done her work for her. As the manager I can do everyone’s work. So it isn’t like she’d be behind if she got back to the office. She said not to worry because her mom was at the hospital with the little one.

Another co-worker walked in and joined the conversation. She added that Mommy and Daddy should take time off from the little one and go away for the weekend. Apparently she and her husband do that often and leave her three kids with the nanny.

I was shocked cause my Mom and Dad never needed time off from their kids and if I have to have kids one day I wouldn’t do that. I added that having kids is a responsibility that you can’t just take a weekend off from.

This co-worker turned around and said: “Well you can’t give your opinion now can you? You don’t have children.”

I was taken aback.

Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I don’t know anything about them. It isn’t like I forgot to have them. I just want to be settled before I do and excuse me for working on my career first.

Anyways, I helped raise three nephews and two nieces. I have over 15 kids in my Sunday School who I care for and just because I don’t have any kids of my own doesn’t mean that I don’t have motherly instincts.

I got up, walked out of the office and ignored that colleague since.

What my colleagues don’t know is that I suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and I have been told by doctors that if I go off the pill one of two things will happen…

(1) I fall pregnant straight away; or

(2) I will never fall pregnant.

Now to me, at the age of 35… the clock is ticking. I might be childless one day… and obviously because I haven’t spoken about it to my colleagues it still doesn’t give the one the right to say that to me.

As a woman I am entitled to my opinion in a conversation.

I was telling my Mom about it and how hurt I was. She said not to be… and added that she was most probably a little jealous cause she and her husband weren’t as free as they wanted to be.

I have been considering certain options available to me… namely adoption and IVF. It’s something that I have been looking into, because I would like to have my own child one day. So by the time I am 37, and I haven’t met anyone that I’d like to settle down with, I’ll be able to make a proper decision. I know it is tough on your own but I could make it work. All I need is sperm.

Anyways, just needed to get that off my chest. Especially since that colleague phoned me on Wednesday and asked how I was, cause she hasn’t seen me around. Later the day she came to my office as well to ask if I was okay. Obviously she realised something was up. One day I’ll tell her how it hurt but for now, I’ll just blog about it.

Happy Friday everyone!

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Love and marriage

Okay… so I mentioned here and here that I had a few things that I still wanted to share, however, because of time constraints and other issues at hand I never got around to it. Well, I thought I’d focus on one topic today.

On Saturday night, after the shooters, I got chatting to two of my nephews’ friends. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. They both have the same names, however, but the one is older than the other and when it comes to the shape of their bodies, the one is thinner than the other. While chatting to them we somehow got onto the issue of relationships….

Tweedle Dee (the thin one) said that he was planning to propose to his gf in December.

My first reaction was: “How old are you?”

“21,” he said proudly.

I think this is where my jaw hit the ground.

“Aren’t you a bit… uhm… young?”

“No, my brother is 23, he got engaged last week,” Tweedle Dee said.

“You aren’t getting married straight away, are you?”

“No, I am planning a long engagement. I’ll get married when I am 25 and have my first kid by 28,” he said. He obviously gave it a lot of thought.

“Oh, well sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you planned. Look at me, I am 30 and still single, by choice I might add, but it is certainly not the way I expected life to turn out when I was 21,” I said.

***

So, this was the conversation that reminded me of an article I read years ago in I think it was the Cosmo or was it Elle? Anyways, the article was about “Starter Marriages”. It was an article about how a couple got married in their 20’s and were divorced by the time they were 30. They had no kids and weren’t in love with one another. You could say they out grew one another. According to the Wikipedia page about starter marriages, the first line sums it up well:

“A starter marriage is a first marriage that lasts five years or less
and ends without the couple having any children together.”

Now, I have never been married, however, this “trend” is still around. Thanks to this article, and this one there is a new thing called the non-starter marriage.

I’d like to take a quote from the article:

“We’ve all heard about the Starter Marriage: The marital training wheels that prime you for the real thing. But this is something singular. Call it the Non-Starter Marriage, the union that dissolves in less than a year, sometimes before the thank-you notes can even be sent out. It’s the kind of bust-up we associate—almost anticipate—with celebrity unions. Katy Perry and Russell Brand: just over 365 days. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries: 72 days. Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas: 27 days. Britney Spears and her high school sweetheart: 55 hours. Even the seemingly down-to-earth Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss split in under a year (though legal red tape pushed the union slightly past the 12-month mark).”

Do some people just rush into marriage because they feel it is the “right” thing to do? Do people still give a thought to how much work it takes to be in a marriage these days? Are you making the right choice for you? Can you live with the person for the rest of your life?

These are questions that I would certainly want to answer before I take that long walk down the aisle and I think I would expect my future husband to answer as well. I just hope that Tweedle Dee does not influence the Blonde one, with this proposal business, because I feel that 21 is a bit young to make such drastic life decisions, especially in today’s day. There is so much out there to experience and see that one wouldn’t want to be tied down.*

marriage

*Please note the views in this blog are mine. If you feel differently, feel free to comment below.