Love and marriage

Okay… so I mentioned here and here that I had a few things that I still wanted to share, however, because of time constraints and other issues at hand I never got around to it. Well, I thought I’d focus on one topic today.

On Saturday night, after the shooters, I got chatting to two of my nephews’ friends. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. They both have the same names, however, but the one is older than the other and when it comes to the shape of their bodies, the one is thinner than the other. While chatting to them we somehow got onto the issue of relationships….

Tweedle Dee (the thin one) said that he was planning to propose to his gf in December.

My first reaction was: “How old are you?”

“21,” he said proudly.

I think this is where my jaw hit the ground.

“Aren’t you a bit… uhm… young?”

“No, my brother is 23, he got engaged last week,” Tweedle Dee said.

“You aren’t getting married straight away, are you?”

“No, I am planning a long engagement. I’ll get married when I am 25 and have my first kid by 28,” he said. He obviously gave it a lot of thought.

“Oh, well sometimes life doesn’t work out the way you planned. Look at me, I am 30 and still single, by choice I might add, but it is certainly not the way I expected life to turn out when I was 21,” I said.


So, this was the conversation that reminded me of an article I read years ago in I think it was the Cosmo or was it Elle? Anyways, the article was about “Starter Marriages”. It was an article about how a couple got married in their 20’s and were divorced by the time they were 30. They had no kids and weren’t in love with one another. You could say they out grew one another. According to the Wikipedia page about starter marriages, the first line sums it up well:

“A starter marriage is a first marriage that lasts five years or less
and ends without the couple having any children together.”

Now, I have never been married, however, this “trend” is still around. Thanks to this article, and this one there is a new thing called the non-starter marriage.

I’d like to take a quote from the article:

“We’ve all heard about the Starter Marriage: The marital training wheels that prime you for the real thing. But this is something singular. Call it the Non-Starter Marriage, the union that dissolves in less than a year, sometimes before the thank-you notes can even be sent out. It’s the kind of bust-up we associate—almost anticipate—with celebrity unions. Katy Perry and Russell Brand: just over 365 days. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries: 72 days. Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas: 27 days. Britney Spears and her high school sweetheart: 55 hours. Even the seemingly down-to-earth Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss split in under a year (though legal red tape pushed the union slightly past the 12-month mark).”

Do some people just rush into marriage because they feel it is the “right” thing to do? Do people still give a thought to how much work it takes to be in a marriage these days? Are you making the right choice for you? Can you live with the person for the rest of your life?

These are questions that I would certainly want to answer before I take that long walk down the aisle and I think I would expect my future husband to answer as well. I just hope that Tweedle Dee does not influence the Blonde one, with this proposal business, because I feel that 21 is a bit young to make such drastic life decisions, especially in today’s day. There is so much out there to experience and see that one wouldn’t want to be tied down.*


*Please note the views in this blog are mine. If you feel differently, feel free to comment below.


12 thoughts on “Love and marriage

  1. I was married for 100 weeks – 706 days to be exact. I am absolutely no expert on the subject but I don’t think there is a ‘right’ age to get married. I know of a couple who married very young and are still happy [at least it seems that way to outsiders] after more than 20 years, and of course I know of couples who married older and then got divorced. None of my close friends are married though; either still single, divorced or widowed [that’s actually the majority, sadly enough].

    This probably sounds defeatist, but at least divorce *is* an option. Imagine being stuck with someone for the rest of your life that you really don’t like. And here’s an awful confession to make; this was exactly my thoughts as I literally walked down the aisle. I only went through with it knowing that I could [and would] get out.

    As you know, I’ve been engaged several times since then, but haven’t been brave [or stupid] enough to go through another marriage. Thank goodness for that, because then I’d have an additional two divorces behind my name.

    Personally I no longer see the point of marriage. Society no longer frowns upon couples shacking up together without being wed, and as for having babies – same thing.

    So what good reason is there actually to get married???

    Ok, I sound terribly jaded, but it’s a valid question … why get married at all? For what reason?

  2. Wow Harmz, that is a long reply. 🙂 Thanks for your input on this.

    I totally get where you are coming from and that’s one thing I left out in my post… and it is the same question you ask.. Why get married at all? Times have changed and you can still be in a successful relationship without that piece of paper. My Mom and Dad made it work the second time around but it took my Mom 12 years to trust another man. I had a great example in both of them when it came to the whole marriage thing, however, what is wrong with just living together?

    Okay, sorry I am asking more questions than giving answers. lol!

    • The only reason I would remarry is if I had the opportunity of a grand wedding. I’m all about the bling bling engagement ring and designer dress and the fabulous party and the expensive presents and the exotic honeymoon. 😉 [you won’t believe how many people get married for that very reason – damn scary!]

      In all seriousness, I’m just after a monogamous long term relationship; a union of two souls. I want a partner that is going to be loyal and faithful and romantic and intelligent and funny and a good cook and and and … the list continues … but I really don’t need a marriage to have all those things … I just need the man!

  3. Although these days it is probably an impossible ideal, I still believe a long celibate courtship had a lot going for it. Going out for two years, engaged for two years – worked for us. Fifty years coming up.

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